Introductions [Max/Ro]

[Max Kameren]

Thank Merlin for the Knight Bus. Max would have had no idea how to get from Highgate to Surrey otherwise, let alone with the lanky creature plodding off the purple monstrosity ahead of him. In his first few days as a dog owner Max had learned quite a bit, largely by the loud, deep barking protests of his new companion. First of all: dogs and kneazles did not get along, and a kneazle could stand up fairly well in a fight with a dog more than twice her size. Second: apparating was not an option, Max had splinched himself twice in an overabundance of caution trying not to hurt his new pet.

Third and most importantly: River was not like other dogs. The way she followed him around the apartment, watching him with her dark eyes and grumbling like she was talking to him felt oddly human. She didn’t pull on her leash or bark at birds and squirrels like Alex’s brood. And every now and then, though Max didn’t feel animals’ auras every now and then he swore he could feel… something. Was this being a pet owner? Or had Fate brought him something different?

The tall Great Dane leaned into Max’s knees as the bus darted away and he smiled, leaning over to pat her on her black velvet muzzle. He pulled out his new phone and scrolled through Rowena’s directions, his emerald gaze following the trails ahead of him to visualize the map she’d drawn. “C’mon, Riv.” He unleashed his dog and River huffed contentedly, trotting ahead of her master and looking checking over her shoulder every few paces to wait for him to catch up.

Though River was having a wonderful time it didn’t take long before Max had gotten them very lost. There were only so many identical this-tree or that-field landmarks he could follow before the directions sent him spinning. He stopped on a wooden bridge and sighed in defeat, taking out his phone to reexamine her instructions. After several minutes of phone-fiddling map searches Max finally felt confident enough to continue. The area Rowena described couldn’t be too far off. “Let's go, River!”

Looking up from his phone, Max realized he couldn’t remember when he last heard his new companion’s heavy breath. He straightened and looked around, his brow furrowing as he squinted into the distance. “River?” He called for the dog, whistling with his few remaining fingers. “River! Now where’d she bloody go…”

[Rowena Jones]

“Ro!” Rowena paused, foot half of the door, to turn and look at her flatmate. She blinked.

“What?” she arched a brow in question, annoyed at the delay. If she missed the bus, she’d have to wait 35 minutes for the next one and be impossibly late for her date with Max.

“Just wait a second. We’re coming with you.”

“You’re what now?” Rowena asked incredulously. “Why on Earth do you think you’re doing that?”

Unbothered by her steely glare, Eoin closed the distance, taking the basket she’d prepared from her shocked hands. “Come on Brie. She said yes.”

“I don’t think she did,” Brienna finally said, though it didn’t stop her from shrugging on her coat. “You don’t mind though do you Rowena? Eoin mentioned you were going to Gatton Park and I need to collect a few ingredients.”

Rowena was speechless by how quickly her original plan for the day was disintegrating. She couldn’t exactly refuse the woman who had so graciously given her a place to stay but she was supposed to be going on a date! She didn’t think that turning up with her two flatmates was exactly conductive to romance.

“Sure,” she found herself saying, “but that means you guys can apparate me and we have time for a hot chocolate.”

Twenty minutes later and after a lot of arguing over why coffee was better than hot chocolate and vice versa, the trio apparated to Gatton Park.

---

“Is there any reason that we’re just standing here?” Brie asked after a few minutes of silence as they stood on a small hill overlooking the nearby woods. Rowena had decided that Eoin didn’t deserve her conversation and had instead focused on looking anxiously around for Max.

“We’re waiting for Max. I told him to meet me here,” she said matter of factly, amber gaze still scanning the area. She thought her directions had been pretty descriptive. He should have been here five minutes ago. With the past they shared, Rowena was finding it difficult not to worry when things didn’t happen when they should… especially when it came to Max. What if he’d been taken again? What if he needed her, if he’d been attacked? She should go looking for him... but what if he was just late and turned up and she wasn’t there? Her internal anguish was interrupted by a shocked gasp.

“You’re meeting Max? Eoin!!!” Brienna chided giving him a dirty look before returning her attention to Rowena. “Ro, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise it was a date. This idiot of a cousin of mine failed to mention that particular detail. We’ll leave you guys alone. Come on Eoin, we’ve got fresh bluebells to harvest.”

“Pfft. Ye can go if yeh want Brie. This may be me only chance to meet this mysterious man o' hers in the flesh. I’m staying!”

“Eoin Trevet Ruith!” The female druid drew herself up, hands on hips to glare at her cousin, her grey streaked black hair dancing in what had moments ago, been still air.

“Oh calm yeself and yer bloody air magic. I ain’t scared of a wee gale. How else was I e’er gonna meet 'im? Gotta make sure 'es good enough for 'er...

Rowena had long ago learnt to stay out of any family disagreements and was usually happy to just watch as Eoin usually got the shit beat out of him by his elder cousin. Her affinity to Air usually trumped anything he could do and it was amusing to hear his accent accentuate as he got more and more nervous as the winds picked up around him.

Before she could retort that he could have just asked to meet Max a large dog came bounding into the middle of their dispute.

“Well look at ye, ye magnificent beast!” Eoin exclaimed, kneeling down meet the dog at eye level only to be bowled over as the animal leaped up and pushed at his shoulders while licking his face. Rowena and Brienna shared an exasperated look at their companion’s antics. Sometimes, Rowena thought, living with Eoin was like living with a child though he was only a few years younger than her.

“I really am sorry Rowena,” Brie said to her as the man child and dog rolled around in the grass in front of them.

Rowena shrugged. “It’s ok. You were both bound to meet him at some point.” She bit her lip, her earlier anxiety picking up again. “If only I knew where he was…”

A sharp whistle sounded on the wind and Eoin’s new playmate stopped at the sound. “I think you’re wanted elsewhere mate,” Eoin said fondly as he scrambled up to standing. “Come on, I’ll make sure you’re reunited.” He paused and turned to face Rowena, “and don’t you dare disappear with Max before I’ve had a chance to say hi!”

Rowena rolled her eyes and waved him away, returning her attention to Brie. She had a few questions to ask the experienced Druid while she had the chance anyway. Brie was so often involved in her own work that the two women had had few chances to talk.

Seeing that he’d successfully avoided the wrath of his two female flatmates and that he was no longer wanted, Eoin turned his attention to his new canine friend. “That way I think” he announced and stalked over the hill.

His long legs carried him quickly to a nearby pond where another tall dark-haired man stood on the bridge. The dog quickly left his side and ran to the other man. “Hey,” Eoin called as he walked over, “lovely dog you’ve got there. She is yours right? She just saved me from being murdered by my flatmates so I owe you one. I'm Eoin by the way!"

[Max Kameren]

How had he lost her? From the moment he met River it seemed she was glued to his side, following him from room to room around the apartment and even draping her lanky body across half the bed at night while he slept. That could pose a problem when he and Rowena started getting serious again, as he was fairly sure River was bigger than his on-and-off-again girlfriend and would therefore command more space. A bridge to hit when they crossed it he supposed, if he ever found River. Or Rowena, for that matter.

He whistled again, meandering off the bridge and onto the path she had been inspecting when he last looked up. “River!”

An aura faded into Max’s sixth sense further up the path and Max stalled, his brow furrowing as the presence grew stronger with each footstep closer. It was magical, a witch or wizard. Unfamiliar. Max tensed, his hands moving to the pockets of his denim jacket to cloak the soft glow of a prepared defensive spell. He hoped his fear was wrong, that it was simply a coincidence that another unfamiliar witch or wizard was heading up the path toward him where he was supposed to be meeting Rowena. But if there was anything he had learned in the last year-and-a-halt, it was that coincidences of this nature were rare.

A deep bark from up the path perked Max’s ears and he turned to River padding up at a full run to leap circles around her owner. Her joy set Max at ease and he let his hands fall, the glow fading as he caught the dog’s wide paws mid-air to ease her leap to his shoulders. “What trouble did you find?”

“Hey,” The source of the magical aura announced himself. A tall, dark-haired man of a similar build to Max approached. “Lovely dog you’ve got there. She is yours right? She just saved me from being murdered by my flatmates so I owe you one. I'm Eoin by the way!"

Eoin? The name triggered a familiar rant to ring in Max’s ears; it was an uncommon name, wasn’t it? A wizard named Eoin in Surrey? Perhaps this was a better form of consequence than he’d worried. Max smiled, his green eyes narrowing as the connections from Rowena’s various anecdotal comments about Eoin lined up with the man in front of him.

“Yeah, she’s mine. This is River. Hope she wasn’t a bother, still trying to figure out an understanding when it comes to personal space,” Max chuckled, moving with River in a haphazard waltz until she relented back to a life on four paws. With her leash reinstated Max straightened, trading hands with the leash-end as River began trotting circles around him. “This roommate, she doesn’t happen to be a five-foot-nine bundle of rage and passion named Rowena, is she?” He smiled, eyes narrowing on the path over Eoin’s shoulder as he tried to push his Empathy out further to catch the aura it was constantly searching for. “I’m Max. And I’m afraid I’m a bit lost. Never been to Surrey, and Ro overestimated my ability to identify her landmarks…”

[Rowena Jones]

“This roommate, she doesn’t happen to be a five-foot-nine bundle of rage and passion named Rowena, is she?”

A grin spread across Eoin’s face at the very accurate description of his flatmate. He’d have to store that one for later use. Perhaps when she wasn’t so sore about him crashing her date.

“Aye. That sounds spot on mate. Which means you must be…”

“I’m Max. And I’m afraid I’m a bit lost. Never been to Surrey, and Ro overestimated my ability to identify her landmarks…”

Bingo. “Well never fear. I shall lead you right to our fair lady. You almost made it so don’t blame yourself mate. Ro has a tendency to over complicate things. She could have just said by the Old House but I’m sure she made you a whole list of this field this and that tree that. Am I right?!”

Eoin barely paused for breath as he turned on his heel and gestured for man and dog to follow him. He still couldn’t believe his luck that after all the fuss and complaints that he’d been the one to save the day.

“I can’t wait to see her face when I bring you to her and I shall not hesitate to tell her how fortunate it was that I came along after all… otherwise, you might have been lost to us forever and I would never have met you. Which would have been a right shame because I can tell already that we’re going to be the very best of friends.”

As River trotted alongside them, a thought occurred to Eoin and he turned to his new friend, slight concern etched in the furrowing of his brows.

“Did Rowena know you were bringing a dog? She didn’t seem to recognize her earlier…” he chatted as he led them all up the hill. “They should just be… oh for love of Merlin’s balls! Can’t a lad leave his women alone for two minutes without them being accosted?”

Without a backwards glance, he leapt forward, sprinting the short distance towards Rowena and Brienna, for in his absence an older man had appeared and had joined their conversation.

“Oi, hello. Yes, you. Who are you?” he demanded.

“Oh, um. Hello?” the stranger said, glancing questioningly at Brie. Seeing that both her and Rowena were stifling laughter, he continued. “I’m Alfric. And you are…?”

“Her cousin. Now stop making eyes at her and move along. She doesn’t want to be badgered by the likes of you.”

“Actually…” Brie tried to say but was interrupted as Alfric puffed up his chest and replied. “I would rather say she does seeing as I’m her boyfriend and she asked me to come!”

Eoin’s face turned red, then white and Rowena feared for a moment that he might faint, but instead, he just sputtered as Brie placed a delicate hand on her partner’s shoulder and told him that she would meet him in the bluebell grove in a few minutes.

Rowena thought Eoin might explode as Alfric agreed, though not without a mean side glance at the druid, before giving Brie a quick peck on the lips.

“What? When? Who?” he whined like a petulant child, as the other men walked away. “Whhyyyy?”

“Oh Eoin, you don’t think that Brienna has been celibate all these years do you?” Rowena asked, wiping a few tears of laughter from the corner of her eyes.

“Of course she has,” he replied without hesitation.

“Eoin, you’re an idiot,” Brie said fondly, before glancing behind her cousin towards Max. “Though I see you found the owner of the dog.”

Rowena followed her glance and her face lit up with a smile. “Max!” Then her gaze flashed with alarm. “Oh no. What did you tell him?!” she quickly demanded of Eoin. How long had they been alone for? What damage had Eoin done already? She quickly turned to her on and off again boyfriend, “Don’t believe anything he said,” she pleaded… “Wait. Since when do you have a dog?!”

[Max Kameren]

“I can’t wait to see her face when I bring you to her and I shall not hesitate to tell her how fortunate it was that I came along after all… otherwise, you might have been lost to us forever and I would never have met you. Which would have been a right shame because I can tell already that we’re going to be the very best of friends.”

Merlin, Max hoped so. The last time Max was introduced abruptly to one of Rowena’s male friends it had gone quite badly. Aura-blocking, torture, and death-by-duel-in-a-safehouse badly. But, thankfully, Eoin’s aura carried the same mossy signature of the few other druids Max had met. The other wizard’s aura seemed to bounce along like sparks on pavement, crackling whenever something new strayed into his vision. Max liked the rhytjm of it; Eoin’s spark gave Max more energy, snapping him out of the grogginess that followed him through sleepless nights.

“Did Rowena know you were bringing a dog? She didn’t seem to recognize her earlier…” he chatted as he led them all up the hill.

“No, was planning to introduce her today.” Max shrugged. “Sounds like she might’ve already introduced herself.”

The patch of trees Max had been standing in gave way to a grassy field, the tall green stalks undulating with hills along the landscape. Their emergence in the clearing brought Max’s sixth sense in range of the rest of their group. Rowena’s aura seemed to carry on the breeze to reach him, filling his chest with that golden feeling unique to them. She was accompanied by two more auras; strongly magical with the same overgrown, mossy feeling Eoin and Emory gave him. Druids. A tension seemed to leave Max in anticipation of getting to see his love and Max followed Eoin more confidently with knowledge of their destination.

“They should just be… oh for love of Merlin’s balls! Can’t a lad leave his women alone for two minutes without them being accosted?”

Confusion paused Max in his steps and Eoin was already far ahead of him. The words coming out of Eoin’s mouth didn’t match the aura’s Max was getting a read on ahead of them. “I don’t think that’s – ah – there he goes.” Max shook his head. It took Max a moment with his long strides to catch up to his hustling companion. He came upon the confrontation in progress, missing whatever Eoin had presumably barked at the unfamiliar man who had joined in his absence. In contrast to Eoin’s aggression, the faces and auras surrounding him were filled with confusion and amusement. Rowena was smiling. Max couldn’t help but smile too.

“I’m Alfric. And you are…?”

“Her cousin. Now stop making eyes at her and move along. She doesn’t want to be badgered by the likes of you.”

“Actually…”

“I would rather say she does seeing as I’m her boyfriend and she asked me to come!”

“What? When? Who?” Eoin whined like a petulant child as the other man walked away. “Whhyyyy?”

It was clear to Max that the drama playing out in front of him involved interpersonal relationships going over his head. He took advantage of the laughter to shift from Eoin’s side to just behind Rowena, River following to lean against Max’s leg.

“Oh Eoin, you don’t think that Brienna has been celibate all these years do you?” Rowena asked, wiping a few tears of laughter from the corner of her eyes. Max smiled; it was great, seeing her so happy and relaxed. Surrounded by people who seemed to care for her like family.

“Of course she has,” he replied without hesitation.

“Eoin, you’re an idiot,” Brie said fondly, before glancing behind her cousin towards Max. All eyes turned to Max and he nodded in greeting. River huffed, taking their stares as an invitation to go sniffing around the circle. “Though I see you found the owner of the dog.”

Rowena turned around and it was like the sun shone on him. Lately he didn’t realize how much he missed her until they were together again. “Max!” Then her gaze flashed with alarm, and Rowena turned on Eoin. “Oh no. What did you tell him?! Don’t believe anything he said,” she pleaded…

His brow furrowed and Max cocked his head down at her. “What could he tell me that I don’t already know?” He laughed, wrapping an arm around his ex in greeting. On instinct he nearly pecked her on the lips, but at the last moment lost his nerve an clumsily pecked her on the temple. Their relationship still lived in a grey area, where they both knew they loved each other but Max was never sure he could show it. “Glad I’m finally getting to meet your friends.”

River wedged her way between the two and stared up at her owner mouth open in a wide grin with her tongue lagging out the side. She huffed, pushing her nose against the hand holding her leash.

“Wait. Since when do you have a dog?!”

“Since… Wednesday?” Max’s eyes rolled upwards as he thought about it. He relented under River’s insistent nudge and unhooked her leash, letting the dog bolt for the field at the base of the hill and sniff around. “Was going mad, milling about the house. Stumbled upon a pet adoption and she sort of picked me.” He smiled as he watched the tall canine disturb a bumblebee atop a dandelion and chase it along its escape. “Her name’s River.”

“So,” Max glanced back up from Rowena to the rest of the group, emerald eyes moving from face to face. “Eoin,” Max pointed to the druid, the rings on his first two fingers controlling the prosthetics causing him to point with both his index and little fingers. “Brie,” He moved on, then gestured in the general direction of the bluebells, “And Alfric, apparently. It’s nice to finally have faces to the names, Ro’s told me a lot about you! I’m Max.”

A bark signaled the returned presence of his new pet. River stalked up the hill to stop next to Max, staring up at him expectantly. Her nose was swollen, a casualty of the wrath of the bumblebee. “And this, though she seems to have announced herself, is River.” The dog huffed, as if to greet their new friends.

[Rowena Jones]

“Oh no. What did you tell him?! Don’t believe anything he said,” she pleaded…

“What could he tell me that I don’t already know?”

Rowena wasn’t sure, but nor did she want to find out. She was certain that Eoin would find something embarrassing that Max didn’t need to know about or in a worst case scenario, invent a story that had her looking like a complete idiot. Pushing those anxious thoughts out of her mind, she turned her face upwards to look at Max, relaxing into his arms and enjoying his laughter. It was good to see him smile. She could almost pretend that the War had never happened, that they’d just always been happy… until Max awkwardly kissed her temple and she was reminded that despite knowing that they each loved the other, they hadn’t actually talked about what that made them. Was he her boyfriend? It seemed such a trivial term to call the man who made her soul sing.

“Glad I’m finally getting to meet your friends.”

“You can thank Eoin,” she admitted. “It was his idea.”

She expected the druid to pipe up and exclaim that yes it had been and wasn’t it a great one, but the man was still staring in the direction of the bluebell grove, a frown marring his usually bright and smiling face. Instead the dog pushed them apart, reminding Rowena of her presence.

“Wait. Since when do you have a dog?!”

“Since… Wednesday?” So four days ago. Merlin, she needed to stop working so much… if only she could shake the feeling that she was close to something. Maybe then she wouldn’t be so busy that her not quite boyfriend would suddenly turn up with a dog in tow. “Was going mad, milling about the house. Stumbled upon a pet adoption and she sort of picked me. Her name’s River.”

“She’s… lovely, in a sort of haphazard, very affectionate, slightly daft way?” Rowena said, following his gaze to watch the dog leap about the field. She was definitely more of a cat person herself but she could appreciate the light hearted, protective energy that a dog had. Merlin knows they needed something fun and innocent in their lives these days.

“So,” Max glanced back up from Rowena to the rest of the group, emerald eyes moving from face to face. “Eoin. Brie.” He then gestured in the general direction of the bluebells, “And Alfric, apparently. It’s nice to finally have faces to the names, Ro’s told me a lot about you! I’m Max.”

Brie smiled, ready to return the greeting when Eoin snapped out of his stupor and whirled on them. “Wait, you knew about Alfric too?!” he demanded before realization hit him. “Oh you meant… urgh, either way, I’m disappointed.” The druid focused on the two females in his life, the forlorn look on his face looking very similar to that of a puppy that had just been told he wasn’t allowed on the sofa.

A bark signaled the returned presence of the actual dog in their group. “Ah my new best friend! River won’t betray me, will you darling?” he said, cuddling the dog once again. Brie rolled her eyes before turning to the adults in the group.

“It’s lovely to meet you Max. I’m sorry I can’t stay… I didn’t think Alfric was going to get here so soon. But please come round for dinner one night. Ro, I’m sorry I’m leaving you with him… are you sure it’s ok? I can pull the Elder card…”

Rowena grinned. “Don’t worry about it Brie. Go have fun. We won’t wait up for you,” she said with a wink. Brie laughed as she waved and followed in her boyfriend’s footsteps.

“What do you me- oh for the love of Merlin. Rowena! Don’t encourage her!” Eoin protested from his position on the floor. He groaned turning to Max in the hopes that his own gender would support him. “You see what I have to put up with? Oi tell you what. Can I come live with you instead? You won’t notice I’m there, I promise. I’m quiet as a mouse.”

“Bullshit.” Rowena cried before she could help it. She blushed at her outburst. This date, if it could even be called that anymore, was quickly getting out of hand. She’d barely said two words to Max! “Shall we have lunch by the river? I brought food.” Rowena asked, gesturing to where Eoin had unceremoniously dumped the hamper on their arrival. Perhaps sitting down for lunch might focus the outing back to something closer to what she’d originally envisaged.

“Did you cook it?” Eoin asked nervously, before turning to Max and whispering. “Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s shite in the kitchen. She poisoned me last time she made me a cuppa. I was sick for a week! ”

Rowena shoved him hard. “I did not! And you threw up once!”

Eoin stumbled. “Yes, but I had the chills for the rest of the week,” he said, nodding his head sagely as if the matter was decided.

“That was because you went into that rainstorm with no clothes claiming London was stifling your connection to nature and you needed to find yourself again!” the witch exclaimed throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

Eoin’s eyes lit up at the mention of his naked rainstorm adventure. “That’s right! Oh! You two should join me next time! It was utterly freeing, a real adrenaline rush. That could be our next date! How about it Max? I just need to find out the next storm and then I’ll owl you the location.”

Rowena turned to Max, desperation shining in her eyes. “I’m so sorry Max. This is not what I planned for today. Do you want to eat, or would you rather just walk along the river?”

[Max Kameren]

“You see what I have to put up with? Oi tell you what. Can I come live with you instead? You won’t notice I’m there, I promise. I’m quiet as a mouse.”

“Bullshit.” Rowena cried before she could help it.

Max barked a laugh at Rowena’s outburst. It was plain from the few minutes Max had already spent in Eoin’s presence that he was far from a saintly roommate. In fact, the druid’s rambunctious nature and his brazenness confronting Alfric on their trek up the hill reminded him of his less-than-saintly roommate. He nudged his ex jovially, smiling crookedly down at her in an attempt to cheer her stormy aura. “Yeah, alright. We’ll send him off to my place. He and Eden could tire each other out.”

“Shall we have lunch by the river? I brought food.” Rowena asked, and Max’s gaze followed her gesture to an unceremoniously placed basket lunch a few paces away.

“Did you cook it?” Eoin asked nervously, before turning to Max and whispering. “Don’t tell her I told you, but she’s shite in the kitchen. She poisoned me last time she made me a cuppa. I was sick for a week!”

“Fantastic at ordering takeout, though.” Max grinned as Rowena reared back to shove her roommate. Her previous diatribe had been accurate: they did fight like brother and sister.

“I did not! And you threw up once!”

Eoin stumbled. “Yes, but I had the chills for the rest of the week.”

As the two quarreled River nudged at her master’s knees, burying her swollen face in his leg and whimpering. Max kneeled and inspected the Great Dane’s face, holding her head in his hands firmly when she tried to wriggle away. “Hold on, you…” He muttered, inspecting the swollen source of the bee’s sting. He glanced around to make sure no muggles were about before healing the boil with a careful brush of his thumb. River shivered as the pain faded and headbutted Max affectionately. “There, hope you’ve learned your lesson!”

“How about it Max? I just need to find out the next storm and then I’ll owl you the location.”

“Hmm?” Max tuned back into the conversation, glancing blankly from River back to his two human companions. He had missed the beginning of the statement, but Eoin seemed energized for an answer. “Uhm, sure. Why not?”

Rowena turned to Max, desperation shining in her eyes. “I’m so sorry Max. This is not what I planned for today. Do you want to eat, or would you rather just walk along the river?”

“I could eat,” He replied near-automatically. Upon his return to the world of the living Max had resolved never again to forsake a meal; after months of being starved by his captors and weeks of bone broth waiting for Elle to be able to fix his jaw, food had become a symbol of civilization he had lost in captivity. Even now he was always hungry, and much too far off from the already lean weight he had been before the Shadowloved strained his day-to-day life.

As the trio straightened the picnic setup to sit River curled alongside the blanket, leaning against her owner when he settled in on the far corner. Max acknowledged her touch by absent-mindedly rubbing her back, watching as Rowena portioned out their meal.

“How’s Mungo’s, still driving you mad? Albert coping?” Though grief not only for the loss of his mentor but the loss of Milton’s very memory plagued Max, lately he thought often about the hospital. It was impossible not to, after so many years of service. Mungo’s was the setting of many of his lowest points, but it was also the center of nearly all his happiest memories. Even with Milton’s betrayal, it was hard to push away.