Shattered Understanding [Elle]

[Alecsander]

Sept 22, ~2100 [9 pm]

Alex opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. It was later in the evening, he wasn't sure of the time, but it didn't feel as though much time had passed. Bodi had left earlier in the evening, seeing he was well and recovering. He'd tried to sleep but he seemed unable to. Perhaps it was all the rest he'd been getting the last few days. The 22nd of September, Bodi had told him. He'd been out of it since the attack, only regaining real consciousness once for them to tell him he wouldn't lose the eye, and then again, earlier. He seemed to remember more voices, more conversations. But they felt like dreams. He hoped Wallace was ok. What had he been thinking, bringing such a green trainee to Azkaban!? He'd become trapped in the fiendfyre with Xaviera and a couple others. He'd been able to drag some out while Xav worked on the flames. He'd rushed in to get her, to help with the complex spells needed to combat the dark magic. That was all he remembered. She'd been Curse's trainee, not long after he had. He hoped she was ok.

[Elle Callahan]

Elle didn't want to go into Alex's room. She knew he was okay. He wasn't going to die from his injuries. Not unless she killed him. Okay, so Elle was still hurt by his lies and their fighting.. the sight of him being wheeled into the hospital bleeding out had nearly caused her heart to burst. She'd just barely got her emotions under control to be able to heal him. All she thought of when she applied the healing spells was that he better not die on her before she had a chance to make him pay. No one else had the right to kill him but her. As Elle cut away the shreds of his robes a wallet had fallen out. Or what was left of the wallet. It had been cut clean in half. An orderly picked it up and Elle shoved it in her pocket intending to put it in his room. She'd forgotten about it in the mad dash around the hospital. Alex hadn't been the only patient she had treated. She'd been going practically non stop since the aurors arrived. When she finally had some rest time she had taken out the wallet to repair it. Curiosity got the best of her when she saw the worn parchment. Elle knew she shouldn't have read it. But she had. It was a letter from Alex to five year old Janie. A little bit of Elle's anger waned as she read the words of love Alex felt for his son.

Elle understood why he hadn't been in his son's life. She even understood why he told no one about Jamie, especially after reading the letter but that didn't mean it did not hurt that Alex had lied. Elle wasn't sure she could trust Alex. She had so many feelings for him. She nearly collapsed at the sight of him hurt. She didn't know what she would do if he died. She just wasn't sure if she wanted to continue to date Alex. He had a shut ton going on. So did she. But then there was the war. The death of Brynn in the hospital was huge. No place was safe. It could be her next. If she was going to die she wanted to live. To have loved. And Elle didn't want to live without Alex and she sure as hell didn't want him to die before she found out what it felt like to be loved by him. So instead of sending the bo still broken wallet Elle went to Alex's room. She knocked before coming in. Elle paused in the doorway staring at him.

"Hi"

[Alecsander]

Alex levered himself up on his elbows at the knock. His body was sore all over and his lungs hurt. He couldn't get into a sitting position but he didn't want to be found flat on his back. His face broke out in sweat and his fingers glowed red. One never knew. Maybe there were assassins that knocked politely. Who knew?

He felt the blood that had rushed to his face during his exertion drain just as quickly when he saw who his visitor was. The stunning spell stuttered and went out, his eyes widening in shock. It had been a rough week, capped off by a rough Sunday. Last thing he remembered of her was Elle cursing at him and swearing she never wanted to see him again.

"Hi."

He couldn't speak. He was stuck. His mouth moved, finally something clicked and a single word escaped. "Elle."

[Elle Callahan]

The sound of her name on his lips made her want to kiss him and throttle him. At the moment throttling was winning. Elle was still angry at him. She had planned on not seeing him again. Then he had to get hurt badly and she was faced with the possibility of never seeing his smile again or spar with him. Life would be very boring without him. She just needed time to heal and so did he.

"Don't look so scared. I'm not going to kill you. Unless you leave that bed too soon. If you try to move I swear I will find you and transfigured your clothes into a backless hospital gown in front of the entire hospital and I will snap a picture and pin it to the door of your room every time you're in residence. The nurses would forever be thankful for a glimpse at your naked arse. Please get up and make their year.And when you die it will be your abituary photo." Elle threatened entirely serious. She wouldn't physically restrain him because of the killing in the hospital. He needed to be able to defend himself but if he left the bed because he wanted to leave the. She would get revenge.


"I don't need you ruining the hard work I did saving your idiot ass." She said coming into the room. Elle reached into her robes pulling out the wallet. Elle held it out to him the letter peaking out a bit in the wrong spot.

[Alecsander]

"Don't look so scared. I'm not going to kill you. Unless you leave that bed too soon. If you try to move I swear I will find you and transfigured your clothes into a backless hospital gown in front of the entire hospital and I will snap a picture and pin it to the door of your room every time you're in residence. The nurses would forever be thankful for a glimpse at your naked arse. Please get up and make their year.And when you die it will be your abituary photo."

Alex stared in shock. Slowly the flush returned, her plan to embarrass him in front of the entire hospital, that sounded like Elle. She looked like she wanted to hex the life out of him. He wasn't sure she still wouldn't. A child. That was a big lie, notwithstanding he'd also been telling that lie to every other person in his life for the last 11 years. But it sort of put a damper on a relationship.

"I don't need you ruining the hard work I did saving your idiot ass."

Alex eased up against the head of the bed, still eying her warily. She'd saved him? But of course. She was a healer. Wouldn't stop her from wanting to hang him upside down though. He took the wallet, confused. He noticed the letter, sticking out in the wrong spot. He always kept it in the deepest part of his wallet, except when he'd taken it out to read. He looked up suddenly, startlement crossing his face. Had she read it? Please, let her not have read it.

[Elle Callahan]

Elle flushed at Alex's gaze as she handed him back his wallet. Of course she had read the bloody letter. It had practically fallen out of the darn thing. She should have respected his privacy but he had lied to her. Maybe he was lying again. So she had read it and she wasn't going to hide the fact.

"Sorry, I tried repairing your wallet. It had been slashed. I read the letter you wrote. I can't believe she never let you see him. She shouldn't have been able to do that.Why did you fight her in the courts? Sorry. It's none of my business," Elle said taking a step back.

"Look I get why you didn't tell me about him. You didn't tell anybody. We just started dating and all. But you should have said something when I asked if you had a secret love child. You kept yet another secret from me. What else will you keep secret? I get why you didn't tell me but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.I think we need space. I mean you need to figure this shit with him out now. He knows. So what are you going to do? Sit back and fade into the shadows or be there for him?" Elle said before checking his bandages.

[Alecsander]

She had read it. Of course. He took the letter out, unconsciously smoothing it before tucking it carefully back in its proper place. Not the first, or the only, it was the first one he'd kept. The first directed solely at Jamie and not mostly at Morag demanding or pleading to see him. Of course the post owls had barely made it back, their delivery lost or destroyed with Morag's defense. The others he kept safe at home; this one he kept with him as a reminder.

"Sorry, I tried repairing your wallet. It had been slashed. I read the letter you wrote. I can't believe she never let you see him. She shouldn't have been able to do that.Why did you fight her in the courts? Sorry. It's none of my business," Elle said taking a step back.

Coming back to bite him in the ass with vengeance. Perhaps his decisions had been flawed. He'd tried to do the best he could, to do the best he could. Even if it meant giving into Morag's demands. Speaking of which, he'd do best never to tell Elle Morag's biggest weapon, Elle would likely go on a quest to hex Morag to hell and back. Max had always had a special place in her heart.

"Look I get why you didn't tell me about him. You didn't tell anybody. We just started dating and all. But you should have said something when I asked if you had a secret love child. You kept yet another secret from me. What else will you keep secret? I get why you didn't tell me but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.I think we need space. I mean you need to figure this shit with him out now. He knows. So what are you going to do? Sit back and fade into the shadows or be there for him?" Elle said before checking his bandages.

His breath hitched, and he looked away. Never tell anyone. Its safest. The best way to keep a secret is for only one person to know.  "It--wasn't love." Not the answer she was looking for, probably. But he wasn't sure he could give her that. "He shouldn't exist." But he did and since the moment he'd found out he'd been filled with love for the young boy made in his own image, though he'd never met him. Barely knew anything about him. He smoothed a thumb over the wallet. Fighting.. "Elle, I didn't want to be like him. I couldn't have won, mothers--" they always do. "..." He stopped. His thumb kept circling. "I didn't want him to know me for fighting with his mum."

[Elle Callahan]

"Look I get why you didn't tell me about him. You didn't tell anybody. We just started dating and all. But you should have said something when I asked if you had a secret love child. You kept yet another secret from me. What else will you keep secret? I get why you didn't tell me but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.I think we need space. I mean you need to figure this shit with him out now. He knows. So what are you going to do? Sit back and fade into the shadows or be there for him?" Elle said before checking his bandages.

His breath hitched, and he looked away. Never tell anyone. Its safest. The best way to keep a secret is for only one person to know. "It--wasn't love."

Focus. You're his healer. Elle reminded herself as she deftly changed the bandage on his hands. Elle refused to look up at Alex as he told her it wasn't love with his baby momma. So he hadn't loved Morag. He just had a child with her. Elle wondered if he had used contraception or had it just broke. Had he been so far gone that he had forgotten to use protection? Was she some stranger in a bar or had he been dating her? Had there been no chance for love or was it a one night stand?

"He shouldn't exist." But he did and since the moment he'd found out he'd been filled with love for the young boy made in his own image, though he'd never met him. Barely knew anything about him. He smoothed a thumb over the wallet. Fighting.. "Elle, I didn't want to be like him. I couldn't have won, mothers--" they always do. "..." He stopped. His thumb kept circling. "I didn't want him to know me for fighting with his mum."

Elle closed her eyes as Alex spoke, thinking of her own father. He hadn't fought for her either. He had thought leaving her behind would be better for her. Safer. It might have been but it also had been lonely.

"Sounds like bullshit to me. You could have fought for visitation when he was a toddler. Then have an exchange where you would never had to see his mother. But you took the easy way out Alex. Don't do it now. Meet your son Alex. Be there for him. Or you'll regret it forever. Either way I'm done. I can't do this. It's over." Elle said letting out a deep breath. She bit her lip to keep back a sob. She needed to let him go. He didn't need the distraction of a complicated relationship, not when he had to create a relationship with his son. So Elle stepped back. She finished changing the bandage and left, pausing at the door before leaving.

[Alecsander]

"Sounds like bullshit to me. You could have fought for visitation when he was a toddler. Then have an exchange where you would never had to see his mother. But you took the easy way out Alex. Don't do it now. Meet your son Alex. Be there for him. Or you'll regret it forever. Either way I'm done. I can't do this. It's over."

Alex lay there, exhausted by the movement and the talking. He didn't know what to think anymore. A deep ache made itself known at her words and departure. If only he could change the past, but perhaps it was better this way, she was young and full of life and he was old and falling apart at the seams, both physically and mentally. Emotionally. It was simple, he'd thought. And who would have wanted him as a father anyway? So maybe it had worked out ok after all, he just had to deal with the anger from his family. He didn't have to acknowledge the anger within himself.