For the Night is Full of Terrors [Max]

[Rowena Jones]

It was a warm sunny morning, the sunlight spilling through the trees, warming her skin as she walked along the small footpath by the river. She knew this place, she was home, in the grounds of Wollaton Hall and this was the very place she had first discovered her magic. She glanced across the water and saw her parents enjoying a picnic, their happiness colouring the air around them in happy shades of pinks and yellows. She waved at them and they waved back, shouting hello and telling her to be safe.

There was a familiar laugh and she looked up beside her at the handsome face that belonged to Max Kameren. Her hand reached to hold his and they walked on in perfect contentment, saying nothing but enjoying each other’s presence, the flowers blooming at their feet.

And then they were running through fields of golden wheat, their laughter filling the air as flocks of birds flew up, chirping their happy songs. A soft breeze chased them along, telling them to run faster and faster and she leaped through the air, the happiness inside her filling her to bursting point. Was it possible to be this happy? To fill the skies with all the colours of her joy?

Max took her hand and pulled her towards a cluster of trees, their leaves every colour imaginable, swaying in the warm comforting winds. She grinned in encouragement as he slowly backed her up against the trunk of the largest, caging her in with his taller frame, leaning closer, ever closer. Her eyes closed and her head tilted back for his kiss, hands reaching up to hold him to her.

The air changed, whipping at her in icy anger, the birds fell silent and she opened her eyes in confusion. Max’s blank dead eyes stared down at her, blood leaking down his face, his mouth open wide and a thousand voices suddenly fell from his lips screaming at her, accusing her of failing him, of letting him die. She ducked under his arms in horror, her dress catching on every branch of the trees that had just moments ago been offering them protection.

Her clothing ripped, her skin was scratched, and she ran, pausing only once to look over her shoulder at the ruined body of her boyfriend. He ran after her, the blood still pouring, those terrible voices following her, surrounding her. She sobbed and tripped over something on the floor. The field of wheat was now a barren land, the birds dead on the ground, small songbirds creating a mosaic of death and all being pecked at by massive shadowy carrion crows. They cawed angrily at her as she passed and she had to lift her arms to protect her face as they flew down, darting at her, drawing yet more blood and causing her to shout out in pain, her bare feet cracking small bones as she fled towards the brook.

And still those voices, taunting her, causing her to shrink into herself. Her fault. Her failure. All because of you. Rowena. Little Rowena. Suddenly it wasn’t around her. It was right behind her. But she was so close. Just had to get to the water. She could still save her parents.

You’re mine! There was a sharp tug at her back and she fell in her desperation to escape. Only there was no ground to stop her fall and she tumbled into shadows that pulled them into her embrace, eyes shining from the dark with an evilness she had not known could exist. A scream echoed in the darkness, inhuman, full of fear and pain and a debilitating terror.

And then she woke up, conscious returning to her in a second, eyes wide and darting, the awful scream still ringing in her ears and she realized it was her. She closed her mouth instantly, too quickly, biting her tongue sharply in the process and was unable to stop the tears flooding from her eyes and spilling over her cheeks.

[Max Kameren]

In the span of a second Max went from a dead, dreamless sleep to jolting awake, springing up into a sitting position on the bed. His eyes darted around in alarm as the cold chill of terror from the aura next to him worked its way up his spine. What was happening? What was being loud? Where was he? Oh, right. He shook off his bleariness and turned to his partner on the bed as she covered her mouth and the screaming stopped.

"Ro, what - oh, hey..." Max turned to his girlfriend and his alarm faltered into gentle concern. He laid back down on his side to face her, wiping her tears away. They'd been through a hard, traumatic day together; he should have expected something like this. He reached out and wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, seeping warming calm into her with the warmth of his arms and his bare chest. He held her that way for several minutes, waiting until her breathing evened and her heartbeat slowed.

Eventually his arms loosened so Rowena could make herself comfortable again. His emerald eyes focussed on her face, so close to his in the dark of the bedroom. Max didn't need empathy to understand how she was feeling: he'd been there on more than one occasion. For years after his family had been attacked in the Demon Wars, he'd had nights like this. He recognized the terror on her face, the uncertainty if the dream was just a dream.

He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, his head nuzzling into hers. He could feel her breath on him, and hear her pulse in her neck running blood through her veins. The same blood he'd had on his hands earlier. "Tell me. Please, it'll help." 

[Rowena Jones]

Rowena barely registered Max pulling her to him, her mind still racing through what she now suspected was just a nightmare, but it had been more than anything she had ever experienced before. Her heartbeat still thudded violently in her chest from running through fields of death and there was a second where she had to fight back the urge to push away from Max, Max who just seconds away had been chasing her, death dripping from him.

Eventually, though, his powers got past the instinctual terror and her breathing slowed with her heartbeat. As her boyfriend relaxed his hold, she shifted, her eyes still wide, the pupils large in fear, meeting his gaze, scanning his face for any hint of harm. But they were back in reality and no blood dripped from his eyes and ears.

"Tell me. Please, it'll help."

“Wait. I ne- need li-,” Rowena said desperately, sitting up slightly, her hand reaching under her pillow for her wand. She’d never slept with it there before, it usually lay on her bedside table, but after everything that had happened, she had wanted it as close as it could be.

“Lumos,” she whispered, whimpering as her spell dispelled the darkness but cast shadows in her room. The bookshelves lining her walls, usually so comforting, now loomed over her and she shrank back, reminded of the trees with their knarly branches trapping her, scratching at her. The light was not better than the dark, and it went out with a muttered nox just as a movement at the end of the bed made her jump. A flash of golden eyes staring at her and she for a second, she froze, caught in the memory of her nightmare, of falling and falling and being pulled into a darkness filled with a thousand eyes.

Then she fell back into Max’s arms with a cry, sobbing as the familiar furred body of her cat moved up the bed to examine her. She wasn’t made for this, wasn’t sure how much she could stand. It was as if logic had left her completely. She knew it had just been in her head, a nightmare, gone now that she had returned to consciousness, but the fear that took over her was uncontrollable.

“M-max,” she choked out, pushing back to study him as well as she could in the darkness of her room, to make sure his eyes were that familiar bright shade of green and not the milky whiteness of the dead nor the darkness of the eyes that had smirked so familiarly at her from the shadows. “You were de-dead and that voice, and we were happy and then it was all gone and you ch-chased me, grabbed me and it was all my f-ff-fault.” She sobbed, her story all mixed up as it flashed through her mind.

[Max Kameren]

Max held Rowena to his chest as she cried, sending his warmth through her. This was all he could do, he knew; he knew the stages, he knew how to fight back the fear. He made himself a sea of calm, an anchor in the storm of Rowena’s aura. He could be her foundation.

“M-max,” she choked out. “You were de-dead and that voice, and we were happy and then it was all gone and you ch-chased me, grabbed me and it was all my f-ff-fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Ro.” Max pulled her up with him so they sat facing each other on the bed. He put a hand on either side of her head, cupping her face in his hands. He met her eyes, and when his emerald met amber he opened his mind to her; he kept his aura still and calm, so she could take it in or use it as a guide through the confusion of her panic. “It’s a night terror. A panic attack. It’s from earlier. You can get through it.”

“It’s okay, let me help.” He leaned in and touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “Match my breath.” Max took several deep breaths, continuing until Rowena matched him. He remembered weeks ago when they were stuck in the elevator; Max mentioned meditation and she balked at the thought. He hoped she would humor him. Even in her panic Max thought Rowena could be stubborn. “Breathe, Ro, please.” He said under his breath, opening his eyes to watch her with concern in his eyes.

[Rowena Jones]

“It’s not your fault, Ro.”

Rowena shook her head to disagree even as he pulled them up together so that they could truly face one another. She struggled to explain how it had felt. As if she was at the center of a storm watching the world be torn apart around her, seeing people she loved swallowed by darkness, and knowing deep down it was because of her. She had allowed it to happen, she was even fueling it. It had definitely felt like her fault.

Max’s hands on her face brought her back to the present, to her bedroom and to him. Her amber gaze flickered up hesitantly to meet his green and she felt his mind open, his aura calm, a welcome harbor from the storm of her emotions.

“It’s a night terror. A panic attack. It’s from earlier. You can get through it.”

He was right. That’s all it had been, except that also felt like an entirely too simple explanation for something that felt much bigger. She couldn’t shake that voice, the way it had whispered her name with such familiarity. For now, it remained only in her nightmares, but Rowena knew that this could only be the beginning and that thought caused the panic to rise within her once more.

She debated opening herself up truly in return to try and explain without words but she couldn’t do that to Max. It was bad enough she was unleashing this torrent of fear and sadness on him after what he had already been through that day. She tried instead to focus on him, on this wonderful man who she had so nearly missed out on out of stubbornness and pride, and who was now the only thing keeping her from being swept away on a wave of terror.

That thought did nothing to stop her from rolling her eyes despite her panic as he suggested she try breathing. But as her breath unconsciously slowed to match his deep breaths, she finally did feel the beginnings of calm. Her eyes were still darting around at the features of his face, blurry at such a close distance but he was alive. Regardless of what the nightmare had shown her, he was not dead yet. And she made a silent vow to herself that she would make sure that he would be safe from her. That if at any point, those feelings in her dreams occurred in reality, she would keep him from harm. With that thought and determination, the panic receded somewhat, though her breathing was still sporadic, her body trembling softly.

She allowed her eyes to close, though her hands grasped at Max, needing to know he was still right there with her, and finally took a deep shuddering breath. She hiccupped as the last few tears dried on her cheeks, continuing to try and control her breathing and keep it steady.

“Breathe, Ro, please.”

One eye opened in slight annoyance at the interruption to her attempt at meditation. then the other as she noted him looking at her. One, two more deep breaths and then she sighed, trying to bring a smile to her lips in an effort to lessen the sad tension in her room. "Funny. I thought I was. Didn't know breathing was a choice..." she said sarcastically, before ducking her head away from him. She was a little embarrassed that he'd seen her so vulnerable. It hadn't been that long ago that they'd been trading insults and now here they were, skin touching skin, in her bed and she'd just had a full on melt down in front of him.

She distracted herself by stroking the large cat that was sitting patiently by her side, letting the soothing repetitive action remove the last vestiges of panic.

“How did you know what to do?” she asked softly, her voice still raw from the ordeal.

[Max Kameren]

"Funny. I thought I was. Didn't know breathing was a choice..." she said sarcastically.

“And yet here you are, doing it wrong.” A smile broke out on his face despite the tension in the room and Max’s worry left him in a rush. If she was calm enough to taunt him, she was doing better. He took one more deep breath that was more for him than her, pecking her on the lips before wiping her last few tears away with his thumbs and letting his hands fall to her shoulders. “See? Meditation’s not all bullshit. I’ll get you into it eventually, mark my words.”

Rowena busied her shaky hands by petting her cat and Max let her go, leaning back on his elbows. It was bad luck, all of this. The same Kameren brand of bad luck that plagued his family for the last few decades; as soon as they found a sliver of happiness, the wizarding world would shake them back up again. Max could tell he hadn’t yet seen the depth of Rowena’s fear. He could feel her holding back, but even if she shared Max wouldn’t have an answer for her. Tonight was a dream, but today was real. Whatever it was wasn’t going to go away easily. Meditation couldn’t fix this, only patch symptoms.

“How did you know what to do?” she asked softly, her voice still raw from the ordeal. 

Max shrugged. “I’ve had them before. After the war.” He laid back on the bed, breaking eye contact with his girlfriend in favor of staring up at the ceiling. They were treading on sensitive territory for Max, things he didn’t know how to talk about. The attack on the Kameren home had been such a pivotal, well-publicized moment of the Demon War that when Max was asked he would often find himself quoting the Daily Prophet’s coverage to keep from having to relate to it personally. There were parts he still didn't confront in himself. 

The aftermath was always worse than the event. It was similar to now, he supposed; the trauma of that afternoon was concrete, able to be broken down into a play-by-play story to report to the aurors. The affect it was having on them tonight was harder to pinpoint, like trying to find the origin of a wave in a deep sea.

“What’s lingering with you?” He asked, curious. When the incident itself was too big to comprehend properly, it was the details that stuck around to leave an impact. As if he’d summoned it the image of shaded eyes behind the cutout of a mask flashed through his mind. He sat up to escape it, leaning into Rowena to better absorb some of her warmth and holding a hand up for the cat to run under.

[Rowena Jones]

Max shrugged. “I’ve had them before. After the war.”

Oh. Rowena didn’t know much about the War. It had ended just before she had truly entered the Magical World. She’d done some reading up on it, she’d been curious and trying to understand this sad quiet world she had arrived in. And of course that had led her to the Daily Prophet and she’d seen the articles on the attack on Max’s home, but it hadn’t really hit her what that had actually meant. He’d suffered. Far more than she had today. And he’d been so young. She sighed deeply, amber gaze watching Max as he lay staring at the ceiling.

“What’s lingering with you?”

“The voice,” she said instantly. The death, the blood, even the fear of losing her parents… they were all things, ideas she was used to. She was a Healer and she might be good at her job but she’d lost her fair share of patients. Her mother dying had been at the forefront of her mind for well over a decade. And she’d just recently been confronted with her father’s mortality. But that voice. That voice would not leave her mind.

Max sat up and leaned into her, and she shuffled closer to him, resting her head on his chest and looking unseeingly at her hand as it stroked through the thick silver fur of her cat. She scowled as Max held his hand up and Spice promptly left her to enjoy her boyfriend’s attention.

“I have two of those you know, why’d you take the one I was stroking?” she said in mock irritation. As though summoned, Pumpkin jumped up, purring in anticipation of cuddles and Rowena couldn’t help but smile. With two large Maine Coon cats the double bed suddenly felt a lot smaller and she leaned further into Max, turning her head a little to kiss his chest and then look up at him.

“It’s not the echoes, though they do creep me out. It’s the tone. Beneath the multitude of voices, there’s a feeling that it knows me. But I don’t know how that’s possible. I wasn’t even part of this world during the last War. And I’m muggleborn, no one important. What does it want with me?” Her hand went unconsciously to her side, to the area that she had been cut and she shuddered at the memory. There was one other important question. Why had it wanted her blood?

[Max Kameren]

“What’s lingering with you?”

“The voice,” she said instantly.

“Hm.” Max nodded at her answer, his eyes boring into the ceiling in unseeing thought. “It’s strange, isn’t it? There’s the big, expected terror in an attack: death, destruction, losing someone you love. The obvious ones. But later all you can think about are the details.” He mused, a shiver going through him.

He sat up to escape it, leaning into Rowena to better absorb some of her warmth. She responded in kind by cuddling into him and a small thrill went through him at her touch; even now, lounging in her bed with her, any kind of affirmation from Rowena still left Max breathless. He was still astounded that they’d been able to find each other. He smiled quietly to himself, hanging his head down to kiss her neck.

Max held out his hand and Spice stretched to headbutt his palm. “I have two of those you know, why’d you take the one I was stroking?” she said in mock irritation.

“Take it up with Spice, I just held out a hand.” Rowena was close enough to him that Max could feel her cheek on his bare chest as his breathing rose and fell. He rested his cheek on top of Ro’s head and closed his eyes, absently petting Spice and enjoying the quiet. He wanted to savor this, to stopper this moment in a bottle and keep it for later. It was contentment, a warm quiet calm before the storm.

“It’s not the echoes, though they do creep me out. It’s the tone. Beneath the multitude of voices, there’s a feeling that it knows me. But I don’t know how that’s possible. I wasn’t even part of this world during the last War. And I’m muggleborn, no one important. What does it want with me?”

“Do you know you’re muggleborn?” Max asked. It was a valid question; Rowena was adopted by her parents, how much did she know about her blood lineage?

[Rowena Jones]

“Do you know you’re muggleborn?”

Rowena paused, biting her lip in thought. “I guess not?” she mused frowning at the possibility. “I just assumed I was. Didn’t think a Pureblood couple would give their child up seeing as how they’re all about continuing their bloodline… and.. I dunno,” she shrugged. “I went through the Muggle system, and then nothing came up since I came to Hogwarts so it just seemed like the most logical explanation.”

She fell silent as she thought about it. It was certainly possible that at least one of her parents were magical she supposed. It would explain her own magical ability but even then, she didn’t see how this could be related. Could it?

“Do you think this could have something to do with my birth parents? I don’t know much about them, nothing really. Mum once told me that the only information they had was a description of the woman who left me. She said her name was Jessica Smith but we all doubt that’s her real name. Just a tad too generic. Apparently, she was young, short with long dark hair and blue eyes," she said, trying to think of any other information and coming up blank. "That’s it. She could have been anyone.” She certainly didn’t sound like someone who could be associated with the darkness of the day’s events.

[Max Kameren]

“Do you know you’re muggleborn?”

“I guess not?” she mused frowning at the possibility. “I just assumed I was. Didn’t think a Pureblood couple would give their child up seeing as how they’re all about continuing their bloodline… and.. I dunno,” she shrugged. “I went through the Muggle system, and then nothing came up since I came to Hogwarts so it just seemed like the most logical explanation.”

Max shrugged; his family was unconventional to say the least, but he had no understanding of the Wizarding adoption system. Either way, there wasn’t just pureblood and muggle-born; if Curse and Amelia could find each other however briefly some other wizard could. “Half-blood? Wouldn’t be the first time a powerful wizard couldn’t keep it to himself.” Max smirked, taking a break from petting Spice to gesture to himself.

“Do you think this could have something to do with my birth parents? […] That’s it. She could have been anyone.”

“I dunno, it could. Kris Kameren sounded generic until I met him.” Max sighed, his breath tickling the back of her neck. . “It could be worth looking into. We were surprised this time, but whatever it was, next time we won’t be.” Max would make sure of that, he resolved. He wouldn’t be caught helpless again.

[Rowena Jones]

“I dunno, it could. Kris Kameren sounded generic until I met him.” Max sighed, his breath tickling the back of her neck. “It could be worth looking into. We were surprised this time, but whatever it was, next time we won’t be.”

She frowned as she heard his determination. Pumpkin meowed in annoyance as Rowena moved out of Max's embrace and stood at the edge of her bed, wringing her hands in worry.

“How can you say that? How can we ever be prepared for something like that?” she said, concern lacing her words. It wasn’t just that she was worried about the logistics of it. What worried her most was that Max sounded like he was preparing for war. “You don’t think that was a one-off either, do you?” Damnit. She really wasn’t made for this. She’d only just recently tried dueling, but she was in no way prepared for actual proper fighting, not against people who might want to kill her.

Rowena leaned over to kiss him, wanting to take some comfort from his presence. His conviction both reassured her and worried her. The idea of him fighting against whatever that presence had been terrified her. It hadn't even really been there and it had caused him such pain with just a look. She tried to take the subject away from such negative thoughts. Even if her parents were involved somehow, researching them sounded much better than thinking about the possibility of war. Researching was much more in her area of expertise. She glanced towards the door. “Could you help me? Try and find more information on my birth parents? I know which hospital I was born in. We could start there?”

[Max Kameren]

“How can you say that? How can we ever be prepared for something like that?” she said, “You don’t think that was a one-off do you?”

“I…” Max backed off, suddenly worried he’d said the wrong thing. Something Max loved about Rowena was that she didn’t know about his past. To her, he came without the baggage of his family name and history. He’d avoided his story earlier for a reason; he was afraid to tell her, afraid she’d view him differently after hearing what he’d been through. At the same time, though, that past trauma directed his actions. If there would be war, he would be ready. He wouldn’t let what happened to him happen to his family. And that included Rowena. “…I don’t know. But I don’t want to be caught off-guard again.”

Rowena kissed him and Max kissed her back, his fear comforted. He could feel her fear and skepticism but ignored it for now. Even if there was no hope to fully understand what happened earlier, they had to try. “Could you help me? Try and find more information on my birth parents? I know which hospital I was born in. We could start there?”

“’Course.” Max reached out and grabbed Rowena’s hand, pulling her back towards the bed within distance to kiss her hand. “In the morning. The proper morning, you’ve barely slept.” He cocked his head back towards the bed, using one hand to move Pumpkin who had settled on Rowena’s pillow. “Milton would be disappointed. Come back to bed.”

[Rowena Jones]

“’Course.” Max reached out and grabbed Rowena’s hand, pulling her back towards the bed within distance to kiss her hand. “In the morning. The proper morning, you’ve barely slept.” He cocked his head back towards the bed, using one hand to move Pumpkin who had settled on Rowena’s pillow. “Milton would be disappointed. Come back to bed.”

Huh? Her amber gaze flickered to the alarm clock on her bedside table. 2:47 blinked back in red at her and she glanced bashfully at her boyfriend. The idea of doing something, even if it did end up being completely unrelated had energized her. She glanced again towards the door, thinking of the computer in the study just down the corridor, her mind already whirring with ideas and possibilities. But her gaze was dragged back to Max, looking at her invitingly and suddenly her mind was made.

“Please don’t mention Milton when you’re looking like that in my bed,” she teased as she gave in and settled back into bed, cuddling up to him. She lay there for a few second, just enjoying the feeling of Max’s chest rising and falling against hers.

“Oh I’m visiting my parents this weekend by the way so no sleepovers for a day or two,” she mentioned, looking up at him. The idea saddened her a little. She'd very quickly concluded she liked sleeping with Max beside her. But it had been a while since she’d been back to Nottingham and perhaps she could also try and find some more information about her birth parents.

She had to admit it might be nice to get away from the feeling of impending doom that had quickly settled into her Magical life. For a couple of days, she’d be able to pretend she was just a normal woman, ride across the countryside, drink some tea and take care of her parents. There was a flash of an image of dead birds in empty fields and an echo of a voice and she stiffened before shaking her head a little in defiance. No. She would not let that presence take the happiness of home.

She yawned, the comforting presence and warmth of her boyfriend slowly lulling her back to sleep. It was perhaps because of the onset of sleep that she couldn’t help but add, “And if you ever want to talk about it, I hope you know you can trust me.” Another yawn and she snuggled further into his arms. “Whenever you’re ready…”

[Max Kameren]

“Please don’t mention Milton when you’re looking like that in my bed.” Max smiled wolfishly, moving over on her small bed to make room for her to join him again. When she laid down he pulled her close and kissed her, relaxing again comfortably with his arm slung around her waist. His eyelids felt heavy and Max sighed with contentment, ready to drift off with his girlfriend when her thoughts sparked him back awake.

“Oh I’m visiting my parents this weekend by the way so no sleepovers for a day or two,” she mentioned.

“It’s the full moon this weekend. I’ll be sleeping in my office tending Wolfsbane potions for the next few days anyway,” Max yawned as he replied without opening his eyes. “Let me know how they’re doing, your parents.”

“And if you ever want to talk about it, I hope you know you can trust me.” Another yawn and she snuggled further into his arms. “Whenever you’re ready…”

Max nudged Rowena’s head with his own, stealing a kiss. He sighed tiredly. “I know, Ro. I’ll tell you, but not tonight.” Wasn’t there enough tragedy between them tonight? Eventually Max knew he would have to tell her, but not tonight. Tonight he just wanted to be here with the sharp, stubborn, sweet, and witty woman he got to call his girlfriend. If Max was right and there was war coming, they needed to take these moments now or risk losing them. They deserved their happiness. They deserved to just sleep.