Home Remedies [Eden]

[Max Kameren]

BANG. Max roughly kicked the front door of their shared muggle apartment closed, balancing the brown grocery bag in his arms.

"EDEN! We're drinking!" He pulled a bottle of firewhiskey out of the bag and dropped it on the coffee table, spinning on his heel to get two glasses from the kitchen. Snitch hopped up on the coffee table, circling the bottle and inspecting the new object in her kingdom. “You won’t like that, Snitch.” He picked up the kneazle, sitting her next to him on the couch as he took a load off, dropping the glasses on the table next to the bottle.

Max wasted no time, pulling the cork out of the bottle with a tendril of smoke and pouring himself a glass before Eden could even join him. He was exhausted; Max hadn’t been home in three days, the demands of his potions keeping him at Mungo’s either in the catacombs or sleeping in his office. After the lift fiasco of the previous night, he’d had to start two of the potions over from scratch when he wasn’t there to tend to them. "You wouldn't believe the bloody day I've had."

“You remember Rowena Covington, right? Hogwarts, Ravenclaw? Now my coworker from Hell?” He threw back his first finger of fire whiskey, reveling in the burn as it slid down his throat. “Got trapped in a lift with her last night, for hours. And that’s not the worst part.” He poured himself a refill immediately, looking up at his best friend. “Would you like some too?”

[Eden Fletcher]

Today was officially Eden Fletcher day. It had been a hell of a week and Eden was tired of obligations. She was ignoring everything that wasn't fun. She decided not to go into the auror office for her office hours. They could find someone else to sketch a face if they needed her. Half the team thought anyone could do her job, so let them try. She ignored the few owls she received from potential clients. She'd respond to the requests for custom paintings later. Today was her day. She started the day with a huge muggle chocolate eclair for breakfast, a silly frothy coffee. She went shopping, splurged on a ton of art supplies and bought a flirty dress because she felt like it. She wondered around muggle london buying what tickled her fancy. She came home, put on Mastero on the wizarding wireless and took off her pants. She was dancing in a tank and underwear when she heard the slamming of the front door punctuated by the thundering of Max. Eden froze mid sway and lunged for her wand that was on her dresser. She quickly turned off the music and found her pants. Max had been gone for several days which was nothing strange. He usually stayed for days at St. Mungos. What made her scramble was the sound of his voice. He didn't often sound like he was going to kill somebody. Nor did he slam the door so hard. Or scream for drinks. Not unless it was really bad.

Elle padded barefoot into the living room watching as Max downed a glass of what looked like fire whiskey.

You remember Rowena Covington, right? Hogwarts, Ravenclaw? Now my coworker from Hell?” He threw back his first finger of fire whiskey, reveling in the burn as it slid down his throat. “Got trapped in a lift with her last night, for hours. And that’s not the worst part.” He poured himself a refill immediately, looking up at his best friend. “Would you like some too?”

"Of course. I stocked up on junk food, muggle and wizard, anything tickle your fancy?" She asked as she settled onto the corner of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. She took the glass from Max and took a gulp.

"I remember the lovely Covington. I forgot to tell you I ran into her in the muggle world. She almost got herself killed trying to be hero to some muggles. Anyways that's a story for another time. What did Miss Neurotic do now? What's the worst part?" She asked taking another swig. She reached over and scratched snitch, who was sitting near max, giving him comfort.

Wait you were stuck in a lift? Was it the snogging lift? is that where you've been. Did she accost your precious self? I can defend your honor, duel at dawn?" Eden said with a smirk.

[Max Kameren]

"Of course. I stocked up on junk food, muggle and wizard, anything tickle your fancy?" She asked as she settled onto the corner of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. She took the glass from Max and took a gulp.

Max held up a hand wordlessly and a bag of pretzels shot into the living room from the kitchen and landed neatly on the coffee table. "Eden, you're a saint. You're living proof that not all heroes wear capes." He opened the bag and took another generous sip of his newly refreshed glass of firewhiskey.

"I remember the lovely Covington. I forgot to tell you I ran into her in the muggle world. She almost got herself killed trying to be hero to some muggles. Anyways that's a story for another time. What did Miss Neurotic do now? What's the worst part?" She asked taking another swig.

"She... wait, what?" Max did a double take. "What happened?" Eden ignored his questions, but he still looked at her skeptically. She wasn't going to get out of telling that story.

"Wait you were stuck in a lift? Was it the snogging lift? is that where you've been. Did she accost your precious self? I can defend your honor, duel at dawn?" Eden said with a smirk.

He sighed, slouching and hitting his forehead against the warm glass in his hand in exasperation. "That's the problem. It wasn't the snogging lift, we got stuck and had to sleep there. We only got out after the elevator crashed, so we both looked a bit messy when they found us. Now, the entire hospital thinks we're together." He threw his head back against the cushion of the couch and finished off his second shot.

"And now, you know how Milton and Albert get with this stuff, they wouldn't let us go for years." He shook his head. Snitch stretched herself into his lap and he absent-mindedly pet her along her back, sighing. "They're like a dog with a bone. Now I'm stuck going to that fundraiser and working with her." He shrugged, looking down at Snitch. "I dunno, Rowena's not so bad, but the hospital rumors are going to get old fast." 

Max looked around the apartment as he poured his next glass, and it occurred to him that there were several new additions. "Did you go shopping?"

[Eden Fletcher]

Eden, you're a saint. You're living proof that not all heroes wear capes."
Eden saluted Max with her glass before finishing it in two gulps. She leaned forward, snatching the bottle and poured herself another. She had a feeling they would be needing another bottle. Eden missed this. It was rare these days and she and Max were just sitting on the couch shooting the breeze and making a valiant attempt on dying of alcohol poisoning.
"That's the problem. It wasn't the snogging lift, we got stuck and had to sleep there. We only got out after the elevator crashed, so we both looked a bit messy when they found us. Now, the entire hospital thinks we're together." He threw his head back against the cushion of the couch and finished off his second shot.

This was too good. Rowena, No one is better than me Covington couldn’t get out of a box until it crashed? Eden would have traded her entire fortune to see what had happened in that box. Her heart went out to her friend. It must have been a bloody nightmare, especially since he felt all of the crazy witch’s feelings.

“How are you still sane?” Eden said snagging a few pretzels and eating them as she eagerly waited for more details.

And now, you know how Milton and Albert get with this stuff, they wouldn't let us go for years." He shook his head. Snitch stretched herself into his lap and he absent-mindedly pet her along her back, sighing. "They're like a dog with a bone. Now I'm stuck going to that fundraiser and working with her." He shrugged, looking down at Snitch. "I dunno, Rowena's not so bad, but the hospital rumors are going to get old fast."

Max looked around the apartment as he poured his next glass, and it occurred to him that there were several new additions. "Did you go shopping?"

“Yes, but don’t change the subject. Rowena’s not so bad? Did she spell you in that lift? This is the girl who pushed a first year down the stairs because she was not going to be five minutes early to potions unless the kid moved.”

“If it’s really going to be all that bad with the rumors and stuff. I can sacrifice my honor and kiss you at the fundraiser, claim you as mine before god and county.” She half joked as she summoned chocolate form the cupboard. She unwrapped the bar and offered half to Max. She was more than willing to get Milton and Albert off his back by telling them they were secretly dating or some horrible secret like he had an incurable issue with is um man hood.

[Max Kameren]

"Did you go shopping?"

“Yes, but don’t change the subject. Rowena’s not so bad? Did she spell you in that lift? This is the girl who pushed a first year down the stairs because she was not going to be five minutes early to potions unless the kid moved.”

"You're right, I do remember that - fifteen years ago." Max rolled his eyes. When Eden Fletcher held a grudge, she held on for dear life. Rowena too, now that he thought of it. "I've worked with her a lot lately. She's better now. Why do you two hate each other, again?"

"If it’s really going to be all that bad with the rumors and stuff. I can sacrifice my honor and kiss you at the fundraiser, claim you as mine before god and county.”

"And have Milton and Albert on us again? No." Who would that help? Being hounded by family members about Max and Eden dating was not superior to being hounded by coworkers about Max and Rowena dating. What he wanted was for Max to date Whomever He Wants and for everyone to leave him alone about it. That seemed to be the one option that was not on the table.

He leaned forward and poured himself another glass; they were running through it fast. Luckily, there was regular old Muggle scotch in the liquor cabinet if they needed it. "You should come to the fundraiser, though. If I have to put my brain in a vise for work, I'd rather have people I know there." He shrugged. "Could be fun. But if you try to kiss me, I'll hex you."

"Besides, aren't you rich? Give us money to help cure sick people." After nearly forty-eight hours with very little sleep and no time to eat, the firewhiskey was working its magic much more quickly than usual on Max. He sat back on the couch with his glass and Snitch stepped into his lap again. "See? There, I did my job. I fundraised."

[Eden Fletcher]

"I've worked with her a lot lately. She's better now. Why do you two hate each other, again?"

"I don't hate her. She's just so bloody annoying. Every time she talks I fight the urge to use a silencing charm on her. The sound of her voice is grating and the condescending way she talks, make everything that comes out of her mouth sound like a lecture. She could be doing a nice thing, like healing hurt muggles and I'm irrationally bugged." Eden said impassioned and slightly tipsy. She didn't really hate Rowena. She hadn't done anything to Eden, not anything that warranted such feelings. Eden just didn't like her. Bad things came out of Eden's mouth when she was around Rowena. Every time she spoke with the woman, the meanest things just popped out. Eden didn't try to be rude, it was just so hard not to be.

"If it’s really going to be all that bad with the rumors and stuff. I can sacrifice my honor and kiss you at the fundraiser, claim you as mine before god and county.”

"And have Milton and Albert on us again? No."

Eden shrugged. It hadn't been her best idea but she'd do anything to help him out. Eden finished her glass and poured another.

"You should come to the fundraiser, though. If I have to put my brain in a vise for work, I'd rather have people I know there." He shrugged. "Could be fun. But if you try to kiss me, I'll hex you."

Eden put her glass between her knees and held her hands palm up in a sign of surrender. "I Eden Fletcher, vow never to kiss you, Max Kameren," She said with a laugh. "I hadn't planned on going..." She said thinking of how nice it would have been to miss that event. If her grandmother had been alive she'd have been required to attend.

"Besides, aren't you rich? Give us money to help cure sick people." After nearly forty-eight hours with very little sleep and no time to eat, the firewhiskey was working its magic much more quickly than usual on Max. He sat back on the couch with his glass and Snitch stepped into his lap again. "See? There, I did my job. I fundraised."


"Doesn't count! I'd intended to write a check and a note with my deepest regrets for not being there in person." She said finishing off her glass and setting it down on the table. She let out a sigh and decided that she would indeed go.

"Fine, I'll go. But I require more liqueur," She said as she summoned the shot glasses and muggle tequila from the cupboard. Eden lined up the shot glasses with funny sayings like kiss me i'm irish on them. She poured four shots. She handed one to Max and then grabbed her own.

"To peer pressure," She said with a wink as she toasted him and downed the shot in one gulp.

[Max Kameren]

"Doesn't count! I'd intended to write a check and a note with my deepest regrets for not being there in person."

"Now you'll find some handsome nurse to bid on and bring in more money, so I'm still helping." He laughed, rolling his eyes at the idea of Eden winning a date with any of his coworkers. He could think of a few more reckless surgeons Eden could have some raucous if short-lived fun with. "It's a staff auction this year, for some bloody reason." His mind went to Rowena again, but he bit back mentioning it to Eden. Best let it play out for now; if he still had feelings for Rowena by the time the auction came around, he could deal with Eden then. 

"Fine, I'll go. But I require more liqueur," She said as she summoned the shot glasses and muggle tequila from the cupboard. "To peer pressure," She said with a wink as she toasted him and downed the shot in one gulp.

"Ugh, tequila? Why?" The unhappy tone of Max's voice was not matched by how quickly he downed the shot with his friend. He cringed without a chaser, shaking his head and closing his eyes. The last few days were washing over him, and he was suddenly very tired. He sat back further on the couch, resting his head on his hand on the arm of the chair. "You should come, it'll be fun. An' you should five Ro another chance, she's..." He sighed tiredly as he drifted off, absent-mindedly petting Snitch.

[Eden Fletcher]

You should come, it'll be fun. An' you should five Ro another chance, she's..." He sighed tiredly as he drifted off, absent-mindedly petting Snitch.


It was happening again. Eden's worse nightmare. Max Kameren was thinking of dating. It usually didn't end very well. He had rotten luck with women, often because of his empathy and partly because he sucked at choosing people. Before he introduced her to someone he was dating he usually started the conversation with, give her a chance. Not bloody likely. When did the woman go from Healer Convington to Rowena? Up until today He didn't like the woman. She was a rude, inconsiderate workaholic that tortured his department. Something had changed. Did she feed him a love potion? Eden wouldn't put it past the socially awkward Rowena Covington.

Eden sighed as Max fell asleep. She summoned a blanket and laid it over him before clearing away the booze and snacks. If he wanted to play with crazy she wouldn't stop him. She had vowed never again to get involved in his love life. She would be waiting with whiskey on hand for the inevitable crash. Eden left snitch with Max and went to sleep.